Postmortem
by lindainsweden
Summary: Response to the "Long Live the Queen" challenge on NFA. Season 5 spoilers. JIBBS!
1. Chapter 1

Postmortem

_Written for the "__Long Live the Queen" challenge on NFA. Spoilers for season 5, including Judgement Day._

_A HUGE thanks to Verity for beta reading!_

_Linda_

Postmortem

Gibbs was alone in his basement, contemplating the recent events that had so rapidly changed everything that really mattered to him. Not only was his most precious ex partner deceased, but she had left him feeling thoroughly empty inside before giving him a chance to tell her his true feelings. As if that wasn't enough, toothpick man, and now Director of NCIS, Leon Vance had split up the only family he had left; his team.

As the thoughts of Jenny crept over him he couldn't stop a tear from falling down his stubbled cheek, his façade crumbling for a moment before he took a swig from the bottle in front of him to help him slam up the walls protecting the feelings buried deep inside from escaping their close quarters inside his body.

The shrill sound of his cell phone ringing cut through his thoughts like a knife.

'_Who the hell is disturbing me at 2.30 in the morning?'_ he thought before looking at the caller ID.

'_Of course it's Mike, who else…'_

"Yeah Gibbs," he answered, sounding just as defeated as he felt.

"Probie. How are you holding up?" Gibbs sighed at the question and willed the tears burning behind his eyelids back.

"Fine."

"Come on Probie. The love of your life just died and you feel fine? Do you honestly think I'll buy that?"

Gibbs was quiet and surprised at Mike for addressing Jenny as "the love of his life". Was she really?

"What do you want Mike?"

"Can't a guy just have a chat with his old friend?"

"Mike…" Gibbs growled warningly, making Mike snort.

"I think you should come see me. Take a vacation from everything for a while. What do you think Probie?"

"Don't think I'll be a pleasant enough guest for you at the moment."

"Nonsense. Book a flight and get your sorry ass down here ASAP Probie, that's an order."

The line went dead before Gibbs had a chance to retort and he felt the anger well up inside him. After slowly counting to ten he gave the suggestion some thought and decided to go for it. It wasn't like he had anything holding him in DC anyway.

After packing a bag and ordering a ticket, he called the new Agency Director, requesting some time off.

"And when exactly have you planned to return to us Special Agent Gibbs?" Vance asked nonchalantly and Gibbs felt his hands tighten at Vance's tone but decided it wasn't worth the energy to pick a fight with him at the moment.

"Start with a month and then I'll let you know."

Gibbs hung up before he got an answer and immediately called a cab to take him to the airport, before he could change his mind.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The flight to Mexico was uncomfortable at the best and Gibbs thoughts kept wandering back to Jenny. He remembered them traveling through Europe, and how good they were together.

'_Damn her and her five point plan!'_ he thought angrily and just barely resisted the urge to hit something. The realization about his true feelings suddenly hit him and he cursed himself for not being there for her. Not only at the diner where she had taken her last breath trying to protect him, but before that as well.

When he'd left to go on his Margarita Safari he didn't know how much he had hurt her, just caring about himself. Of course he'd caught her looking at him longingly several times her first year back and the sexual tension was still there, just as strong as it had been ten years previous. But, he'd left. Left to wallow in self pity, not caring at all how she would react and feel about it.

The moment he was back he'd realized his mistake. To ease the pain of having him gone had made Jenny turn to the bourbon for comfort, risking far more than she normally would by recklessly going after La Grenouille and playing with poor Tony's feelings like he was dummy, not a human being. Gibbs had no doubt she'd used Tony as her personal toy boy before giving him the mission to date Jeanne, the woman he accidentally and completely fell in love with.

Several months, maybe even a year, passed before Jenny had felt confident about Gibbs staying and thus letting the consumption of alcohol lower to a normal amount. His error with dating colonel Mann forced Jenny away even more and he once again blamed himself for not being there by her side when she needed him the most.

'_Why didn't you tell me you were sick?'_

But not even the dread he'd felt when he'd realized something was wrong with her made him less of a coward. He didn't deserve her.

Suddenly another memory appeared, one involving a boy named Carson. Gibbs had been at her house and after making sure the little guy had fallen asleep she had actually made a pass at him and asked him to stay the night. His entire body had screamed 'yes', but his stubborn mind said no, instantly winning over his repressed heart. She had probably known about her disease already and wanted to confide in him, let him comfort her when she needed it the most. But he and his damn pride had said no. The one chance he'd had when she would've welcomed him with open arms and finally let down her strict façade, and he'd thrown it away for something as trivial as his ego.

The sound of the Captains voice over the speakers telling the passengers to fasten their seatbelts pulled Gibbs out of his reverie, only to make him realize tears were slowly trickling down his cheeks and he angrily swiped them away with the back of his hand. Despite once again hiding behind his best poker face he could still feel the emptiness eating him alive, from the inside and out.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Thanks for the reviews guys, I really appreciate them!

Chapter 3

Mexico was just as he remembered it. Hot and sunny with beautiful scenery and women walking around all but naked everywhere you looked. Not that he noticed them, not this time. Trying to locate Mike was a lot harder than he had originally thought since the airport was filled with people trying to find their relatives or make it to their flight on time.

Finally Gibbs spotted his old boss and slowly made his way over to where the former agent was waiting for him.

"Mike."

"You look like hell Probie. But it's nothing a few weeks at my place can't fix. Add a couple of beers to that and you'll be as good as new in no time."

"We'll see about that…" Gibbs muttered, completely ignoring the mischievous look Mike gave him.

The ride to the so called house was spent in a comfortable silence. Gibbs could only focus on one thing at the time, and that was his beloved Jenny. He blamed himself for not being with her in Los Angeles, and he more than blamed himself for being such a coward and forcing her away when his heart wanted the exact opposite. Damn Mike for stopping Svetlana from killing Gibbs; if he hadn't Gibbs would be with everyone he had ever held close to his heart. Shannon, Kelly and Jenny. He sighed, getting Mikes attention.

"I miss her Mike," he whispered, not sure whether it was loud enough for Mike to hear him over the sound of the diesel engine.

"I know Probie. But it will get better eventually, I promise."

Gibbs glared at him, silently wondering how he could promise a thing like that when the future seemed as black as the Mexican nights. When Mike stopped the car Gibbs quickly grabbed the door handle to get out but was stopped by Mikes hand on his arm.

"There's something you should know. It's not going to be just you and me here this time." Gibbs raised his eyebrows at the unexpected news, clearly surprised at Mikes words.

"Don't look so surprised Probie. I can still charm the ladies, believe it or not."

Gibbs smiled slightly and curiously stepped out onto the beach and started walking towards the house. What happened next was something he would never forget in his entire life.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Thanks for all the reviews guys! And a special thanks to Verity for helping me. Love you honey!_

Chapter 4

Gibbs squinted at the bright sunlight but nonetheless managed to notice someone moving around inside Mike's house. He walked slowly towards the familiar patio, curious as to what he would find, when the door slammed open and a little girl jumped out and came running towards them.

"Daddy daddy!" she yelled and Gibbs grinned knowingly at Mike. He was utterly surprised when she flung herself at him instead of his old boss.

"Finally daddy! What took you so long? It feels like I've been waiting forever." She hugged him tightly.

Gibbs mind was a whirl of thoughts and he tried hard to get a grip on this new reality that was being thrust upon him all of a sudden. He looked at the girl, taking in her age and appearance. Auburn hair, blue eyes and a feature so similar to someone close to his heart he almost started crying at the spot. The girl looked curiously at him, still with her arms wrapped around him.

"Er, how old are you now honey?" She grinned at the question and held up eight fingers, looking proudly at him.

"Eight years old already? Practically a lady!" the girl giggled at his silly response before wriggling out of his arms, running towards Mike.

"Uncle Mike!"

"Hi there Sarah! How's my favorite girl today?"

"Fiiiine."

"You happy about meeting daddy?"

"Oh yeah! He looks just like in the pictures mom showed me." She suddenly turned to Gibbs with a frown etched upon her forehead.

"Are you as nice as mom says you are as well?" Gibbs felt his heart break upon hearing those words but steadied himself before he answered, not wanting to upset her.

"I hope so. Sarah."

They went to the patio together in silence, Gibbs constantly contemplating the twist his life was taking.

"Sarah, why don't you go and play for a bit and let daddy have a word with uncle Mike?" Gibbs asked and stared at Mike to make him stay put.

"Ok daddy!" Sarah bounced off towards her favorite place under a palm tree nearby, leaving the two adults alone.

"Everything," Gibbs ordered Mike sternly, feeling his anger building with every passing moment. Mike sighed.

"Jenny came to me over a year ago asking me to take care of Sarah, both because of the potential of her being kidnapped but also to still keep her a secret. Sarah's been here ever since and Jenny's been visiting as often as possible."

"And how exactly did you plan to tell Sarah about her mother being dead?"

Gibbs was angry at Mike but even angrier at Jenny, to no avail, for keeping him from his daughter for this long. Just as he was about to retort Mike was save from Gibbs' whipping tongue by Sarah coming over, wanting to spend more time with her dad.

"Daddy, come and play with me!"

Gibbs week spot had always been children and he couldn't say no to his little girl, not when he had so much catching up to do. He glared at Mike.

"We'll talk later."

He went over to Sarah and lifted her towards the sky before hugging her tight, trying to keep thoughts of Jen from invading his mind. He even imagined he could smell her perfume in the air, boy was he in denial.

Suddenly Sarah lifted her head high and started yelling loudly.

"Mommy mommy! Look, daddy's finally here! He came for me, just like you promised."

'_Mommy? Who is mommy?'_ Gibbs wondered before he heard the loveliest sound in the whole wide world.

"Mommy always keeps her promises Sarah," a familiar female voice said happily.

Gibbs couldn't believe it. He put Sarah down and slowly turned around to see where the little girl was running. His eyes met a familiar pair of bare legs, a slim body and the most startling green eyes he'd ever seen. He stared in wonder at the woman before him, whom was currently hugging their daughter.

"Jen?" he asked tentatively, not quite believing what he saw. She smiled at him and whispered something to Sarah before the girl took off, sprinting towards the house.

Jenny moved to stand in front of Gibbs but his mind still had a hard time comprehending what he was seeing. He lifted his hand slowly to gently touch her cheek and when he felt the warm, smooth and very real skin under his hand the walls inside him crumbled to dust. His eyes swam over with tears and for the first time in over a decade he didn't mind letting all the pent up emotions out.

Gibbs couldn't take it anymore. He reached out and pulled Jenny into a bone crushing hug, sobbing like never before. Soon he could feel Jenny's tears stain his t-shirt and he couldn't help but smile at the thought of them both standing on a deserted beach, crying, in each others arms.

He looked into her eyes, still not trusting her to really be there. There was only one way to find out. He leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to hers. The moment their mouths made contact he knew it was for real, that Jenny was very much alive and standing in front of him crying with pure bliss.

Gibbs felt like a million bucks and he almost burst with happiness. Everything he had ever wished to have was being handed to him on a silver tray and he would be a fool not to accept the offer given to him. He burst out into laughter all of a sudden, his eyes sparkling like two diamonds, and startled Jenny by lifting her up and spin them around until she shrieked delightfully with an ear to ear grin plastered across her face.

"Jethro!" He stopped when he heard her playful yet demanding tone and was rewarded with a peck on the lips.

"Jenny…"

"I know you're not good with words and it's ok Jethro."

"No. When you died, I had regrets."

"Me too."

He smiled at her confession but still felt like he had to get all the words out before he fell back to his ordinary, and silent, routine.

"I never forgot Paris Jen and I meant what I said your first day as Director, I really missed you."

"I missed you too Jethro."

They embraced and Jenny kissed Gibbs tenderly before pulling away. Once they'd started they couldn't get enough though and Gibbs eagerly pressed his lips to hers with renewed vigor. A small giggle made them jump apart like a couple of teenagers caught in the act.

"Sarah, what have I told you about sneaking up on people?"

"But mommy!"

"No buts young lady. Let's go back to uncle Mikes house and make dinner, it's way past time for it anyway."

Sarah jumped in between her parents and took hold of their hands, demanding to get as much of their attention as possible. Gibbs glanced down at her and then looked pointedly at Jenny when the girl couldn't see.

"Later Jethro."

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Thanks to wonderful Verity for BETA reading and big hugs to everyone who's reviewed!_

Chapter 5

When Sarah was put to bed, by both her parents for the first time in her life, Gibbs and Jenny walked outside to have a moment to them selves. Jenny sensed the tension building in Gibbs and she hurried away from the house to keep Sarah and Mike from overhearing their inevitable row.

"Jenny," Gibbs prompted her when they were at a safe distance from prying eyes and ears. Jenny sighed, bracing herself for his anger.

"Sarah is yours Jethro, our child. I'm sorry I never told you."

"You're sorry?!" he asked incredulously but Jenny just raised her hand to silence him.

"Please let me explain."

flashback

_Leaving Gibbs was breaking Jenny's heart. She had written him a letter telling him she felt suffocated in their relationship but the truth was she had never felt better. For the first time in her life she was completely in love with a wonderful man and while they fought like cat and dog sometimes the rest was fantastic. They got along, their interests were quite similar and the sex was great._

_Now she stood in front of her bathroom mirror, cursing her five point plan while constantly feeling nauseous. She was soon to find out if her suspicions were right. Nervously she took the stick and when she saw the result her face went white as a ghost. Her free hand shot up to her belly and she couldn't help but to feel a little amazed at her and Jethro creating a new life. A life that was currently growing inside her._

"_I'm going to be a mother…" she spoke out loud, and realized with a pang of guilt that she couldn't keep the child if she was going to follow her plan. Anger bubbled up inside her suddenly._

"_Damn you Jethro! Why did you have to be so wonderful and make me fall in love with you?"_

_That night Jenny cried herself to sleep._

end of flashback

Gibbs stared at Jenny as if she'd gone insane.

"You actually thought about abortion?"

"Yes, I did. How the hell was I to raise a child alone? Besides, I couldn't stay with NCIS either because everyone would realize the child was yours. There was enough gossip about us as it was; it didn't need to be fueled further by me getting mysteriously pregnant."

Jenny crossed her arms and met Gibbs famous stare defiantly, daring him to speak what she knew was on his mind. He stayed quiet, at least long enough to let his reason beat his anger.

"Who took care of Sarah while you were working on a case? And how did you even manage to stay with NCIS? Even though you're a great agent, a swelling belly isn't that easy to hide."

"My mother took care of her. I visited as often as I could but being Director doesn't give you plenty of spare time. When my mother got stalked I immediately decided to move Sarah and since I knew you trusted Mike with your life I asked him to do us a favor. Luckily he approved."

Jenny sighed, glad to finally be rid of the burden of keeping this huge secret from Gibbs. She could sense his disapproval of her actions and silently wondered if he was going to hold this against her forever or eventually understand her motives.

After what seemed like forever Jethro inhaled deeply, as if to say something. He decided to leave her alone instead, anger and disappointment radiating off his entire body. Him leaving hurt Jenny more than fighting ever could. Leaving meant giving up.

A few weeks after their first postmortem meeting Jenny and Jethro still barely spoke to one another. Of course the façade was up as long as Sarah was around but when the darkness surrounded them they both lay aching in their beds, wondering what might have been.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Jenny had had enough. The non-existing relationship between her and Jethro was breaking her apart and this night she was determined to amend things.

Silently she was sneaking through the house towards his bedroom, hoping she didn't disturb Sarah or Mike. The last thing she wanted was for them to overhear the inevitable banter that was going to take place. When she peeked through the opening into his room the only thing she could see was his unused bed.

'Where the hell is he?' she thought angrily, not admitting to herself that she was terribly worried about him.

The first place she could think of was the beach and so she made her way over there, constantly avoiding creaking floor boards and making other unnecessary noises. Her efforts were well rewarded when she laid eyes on a certain blue eyes male, sitting a few hundred meters from the house. Silently, she made her way over but was aware of the fact that he already knew she was there. He'd always known when she was around.

He felt a presence behind him and recognized the breathing as Jenny's. Soon she sat down beside him and he sighed audibly.

"What do you want Jen?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"You mean aside from the obvious?"

"I'm not a mind reader."

"I'm sorry." He heard the pain in her voice and unconsciously raised his head to let his eyes meet hers.

"You know what? I'm sorry too. Sorry that I missed Sarah's baby years, sorry that she never knew her father and most of all I'm sorry you felt too proud to let me in on your secret!"

"Do you think it was an easy choice? Leaving you and then finding out about Sarah, on my own, wasn't exactly what I had planned you know."

"But you could have told me!"

"No, I couldn't have," Jenny whispered, on the verge of tears.

"You don't trust me Jen?"

"I do, and I did, but that's not the point. The best way to keep a secret is to tell no one. I loved you too much to put you in the line of fire like that. If anyone would've found out we could have lost our jobs, and that would mean no money and a starving baby. No! As much as I regret everything I still think it was the best way."

"That is not for you to decide."

"What?! Like hell it isn't! _I_ gave birth to her and _I _was the one who needed to protect her. Maybe if I hadn't had the guts to leave you before I found out things would've been different but…"

"Why did you leave Jen?"

"I…" The question had surprised her and she felt at a loss for words. After a long while she sighed and realized keeping things from Gibbs was not the right approach this time.

"I loved you too much not to."

"Will I get an explanation to that cryptic statement?" His voice was cold yet pleasant and Jenny thought she could hear a tinge of some unrecognizable emotion in it.

"I was threatened. From outside NCIS. If I didn't leave you instantly they would kill you so I had no choice but to go through with it. I couldn't go to NCIS for help either without addressing our relationship issue and that was not even on the map at that time."

"Who threatened you? Did you find them?"

"I did eventually and it's finally all been taken care of."

"La Grenouille?" Jenny nodded slowly, suspecting that Gibbs already knew who was responsible for Renée's early demise.

"First my father and then you, I had to do it. The chance finally presented itself when we leaked out that I was dying."

"Are you? Jen please, I need to know." They looked into each others eyes and Jenny let out the breath she didn't know she had been holding.

"No. It was all fabricated." Her eye didn't twitch.

Gibbs said nothing but he felt his eyes water at the thought of Jenny not only being alive but healthy too. And as gorgeous as ever. And the mother of his child. He suddenly realized that he was a stubborn fool for not accepting the facts about what had happened and continuing to live his life from this point instead of dwelling in the past.

After a long silence Gibbs finally spoke again, his voice thick with emotion.

"Jenny?" She looked at him with pleading eyes, silently begging him to forgive her.

"I'm ready."

"For what?" she asked, feeling every bit as puzzled as she looked.

"To let go. I'm… sorry… I've been such an obstinate and grumpy old man lately. I realize now what I need to do." Jenny could barely believe what she heard. All this coming from Jethro Gibbs, the man who let's his actions speak rather than his mouth?

"And what is that exactly?"

"This." He leaned towards Jenny and delicately kissed her on the mouth, giving her the time and space to pull away if she wanted to.

Jenny's head was spinning and her heart pounding hard in her chest. It took a while for her to respond but when she got her acts together she pulled Gibbs against her for a bone crushing hug. She kissed him back and let her lips display just how badly she wanted him. As he laid her down in the sand she couldn't help but whisper softly in his ear.

"I love you."

EPILOGUE

The sun was rising over Mexico, promising yet another glorious day. Its rays hit a couple curling up next to each other on the beach. Love was radiating off of them and just as the man leant down to whisper something tender into the woman's ear a girl came bouncing towards them, oblivious to the fact that everything had changed over night.

Sarah came over to her parents and started to demand their attention by pulling at their clothes before Gibbs silenced her with a stern glare. He turned to Jenny.

"What I was going to say before our lovely daughter interrupted was that I love you Jen. I always have."

"Oh Jethro…" They kissed passionately while tears trickled down Jenny's cheeks.

"Mommy, does this mean we are going to be a real family now?" Jenny's eyes shot to Gibbs's and he smiled faintly before looking at his daughter.

"Yeah Sarah, I think it does."

THE END


End file.
